This Year's " W o r d "

I have some wonderful friends who each year wrestle with trying to find a “word” to be their focus for the upcoming year.  I have done that in the past – and have genuinely worked on and focused on that word throughout the year.  It’s a great discipline!

This year, there is a word that simply will not leave me.  I am determined, however, to not let this word be my “word” for the year.  It is a word that honestly in my 40+ years of life, I don’t recall ever being a struggle for me.  This ugly word is “bitterness.”

I have always been that person who wants to see the best in each situation.  I am a
Romans 8:28 kind-of-gal!  Even in the most rotten of situations, I tend to see the silver lining and know that God is going to do something good in the life of a believer…even when the situation seems pretty bleak.

This year….this year, something has been different.  I don’t know if it is something that has been building up and I just didn’t realize it or if I’ve just had a sudden realization – but I am really dealing with some bitterness.

This bitterness is most definitely not from God.  Rather, satan is loving the fact that it is causing me to be distracted from all that God has in store for me.  Bitterness robs me of my peace.  It robs me of my joy.  It is even going so far as to rob me of some closeness in a few of my relationships.  It makes me angry.  It causes me to have doubts.  It distracts me.  It makes me a mess. 

I am that person who wants everyone to strive for the best.  I understand that we live in a fallen world and not everyone is on the same page.  But my struggle is this:  how long does one stick around a situation to see if it will get better….versus when is it time to shake the dust from one’s feet and leave this situation?  For a girl who likes it when things are black and white, left or right, one way or the other….well, this makes it a tough one!

So what’s a girl to do? 

Whenever I feel defeated and the bitterness just won’t seem to go away, I find myself reminded that God speaks to us in a multitude of ways.  It’s amazing to me how many times I’ve turned on the radio and “just the right song” seems to be playing.  I am in awe of the people God sends my way – completely out of the blue! – to encourage and affirm my ministry.  When I look up my “verse of the day,” God’s Word so often speaks directly to my situation.  (If we’re being transparent and open here, these things freak me out a little bit because they are SO on point!) 

God is pretty awesome like that.  He doesn’t let us go.  He doesn’t put us in this life alone.  He constantly reminds us that we have to look at the bigger picture.  Above all, bitterness doesn’t have a valid place in the life of a believer.  Oh yes, it continues to rear it’s ugly head, but as one of “God’s Girls,” I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He and His Kingdom are all that matter. 

I’ve read The Book.  God wins.  I’ve just got to keep my eyes on Him.  😊

Scriptures to Ponder:  John 16:33, Revelation 22:12-13, 20, Proverbs 3:5

All That Stuff...

I don’t know what was wrong with me…but I recently had some spare time on my hands and found myself cleaning.  Anyone who knows me knows that I typically am an on-the-go kind of gal, so for me to spend this extended time at home AND then to use that time cleaning, well…that’s a big deal.

Now I’m not talking the kind of cleaning where I scrub and dust. No – I’m talking about going through drawer after drawer, closet after closet – and throwing out “stuff” that has accumulated over the years.

Don’t get me wrong – I am a very practical person who likes practical things.  But…even those practical things can accumulate and that puts them in the category of “stuff.”

There were board games that had been crammed in one cabinet, dishes and kitchen appliances that had accumulated over the years in the pantry, and wrapping paper, bows, and gift bags that were intended to be used and re-used (but had been shoved in a wardrobe and forgotten).  I found pictures that made my heart smile as well as pictures that stirred emotions that I had forgotten were there and brought tears to my eyes.

While some of the “stuff” I re-arranged and made more accessible and organized, most of the rest was bagged up and boxed up and shipped out.  So many bags!  So many boxes! So much STUFF!

Another word for my precious stuff should really be given its true name…JUNK.  Ugh. That’s a bit of a tough pill to swallow, isn’t it?  None of us like to be accused of having junk or stuff we don’t need.  But if we keep the junk around, it just bugs us and bogs us down.  You can’t find what you’re looking for, it gets in the way, and it even can trip us up (literally!).

So as I’m cleaning out so much junk from my home, it caused me to take some inventory of the “junk” I often hold onto in my heart.  I am justified in being so angry when I’m wronged, right?  Jealousy isn’t that big of a deal, is it? I have every right to cling to that hurt that was inflicted on me, don’t I?

I do have every right to experience these emotions…and there are times when it is vital that I process these emotions…but if I continue to let this “junk” hang out in my heart, it’s going to get in the way and truly can trip up my life.  It robs me of blessings.

It seems that God and I have almost daily discussions about cleaning out the “junk” in my heart.  I’m finally learning that when I get rid of the “junk,” it allows me to make room for things like love, joy, and peace, which are much better for me – as well as for those around me. When I fill my heart with these, I've noticed that I've got plenty of room -- and I even find that sometimes my heart just overflows!  And that's how it's supposed to be.  😊

Scripture to Ponder:  Psalm 51:10, Matthew 5:8, Matthew 6:21, Proverbs 4:23

Out with the old...in with the New!

Out with the Old…in with the New!  Isn’t that how we’re supposed to do it with New Year’s?

So…I’ve been thinking about what it is that I need to get rid of (“old”) and what I need to do differently (“new”) this upcoming year.  Sounds very much like I’m making some RESOLUTIONS.  Yikes!  Rather than do that, because RESOLUTIONS only seem to be things most people keep for just a few days (or weeks if you’re one of the strong ones!), I've decided to go a new route.

Instead of RESOLUTIONS, I am choosing to focus on one day at a time.  Hey – I may even need to take it one HOUR at a time some days!  And I’m ok with that…

Some of the “old” that needs to go…
          - Feelings of unworthiness
          - Frustration
          - Impatience
          - Uncertainty

Some of the “new” that I need to add more of to my daily life…
          - Forgiveness
          - Compassion
          - Confidence
          - Love

I’m here to tell you that I’ll have the greatest of intentions with these attributes, both in ridding of the “old” and adding more of the “new.”  However, one thing that has become ever more clear this year is the fact that I have human limitations.  (*GASP!*)  Yes – human limitations.  Rest assured, that was even painful for me to type!  I have always been one to seek/find a solution to most any problem and face it head-on. 

But therein lies the problem.  I. Me. Self. 

I often find myself running ahead of God – with the purest of intentions – and then asking Him to bless my intentions.  Rather, I should be doing all that the other way around and seeking Him first.  Slowing down a bit and instead of having an instant answer, taking time to genuinely pray and reflect on situations.  The goal is to go from a steady stream of REACTING to living a life that is PRO-ACTIVE and a life that constantly points to my Guide.

Here’s to a clean slate!  Day by day…and maybe even hour by hour.

Scriptures to Ponder:  Matthew 6:33, 1 John 4:19, 1 Thessalonians 5:11, James 2:24